Given so much choices, it is difficult to have a diffinite direction. Early on, I was wondering what role would I like to play. I thought I was going to be a scientific researcher, only to find out that I don’t have the necessry educational preparation to hack it out in the world of science. For a couple of years, I really bored into the libraries (there were no internet then), scientific american, etc. And eventually I realized how far behind am I. I really thought then, that if I only have the preparation I could make it, but as the years went on I have serious doubts about my self belief. Yes, I have doubts because I have difficulties in basic mathematics. I know how to integrate, how to differentiate, but I really have a difficult time relating this mathematical tools to practical application. The world in not revealed in numbers.

 

And like most of us, I quit the track, and tried to find my space somewhere. The result is that I drifted to nowhere.  

 

(Next: Where am I leading?)