Freuds psychoanalysis? It may appear too assuming for a highschool reader,  and truly it is. But I was not reading the real thing. It was actually the readers companion, it is a sort of psychoanalysis for layman. The real reason I was reading that book was my interest in the minds of geniuses (hehe..because I was trying to fit my self into the mold).

 

The natural drift lead me to Comte’s sociology writings, to Smiths Wealth of Nations, to Russel, Sartre, Keirkeigard. Reading their works without really understanding. Up to now I can not truly grasped the meaning of existentialism or the positivism, except the positivism of Peale and the pragmatism of Pierce.. How about Das Kapital? Of course. I’ve even read a Red Handbook, how brainwashing was being carried out. 

 

The drift would lead people to think, that I would become an activist. No I never was. But I was very unconventional. A non-conformist. The leftover spirit of the 60’s youthful uprising. I could already see flaws with the social system, with our education. The accumulated knowledge became the seed of disbelief.

 

The more I read, the cracks that I could see with the system is  growing even bigger and deeper, and the bigger it goes the temptation to repair it became stronger. It reach the point when I no longer wanted to be part of the system which for me then is full of cracks. I thought it was crambling. I told my self that success is not hinged on the diploma but on the knowledge. On true education. That if you are truly educated, no matter where you are, no matter what you do you can hack it. I never became the activist, but a sort of a reclusive hermit. Withdrawn from the system.

 

I became like what Peter Drucker would term, the gold fish out side the pond. It was quixotic minus the sword. Fighting the enemy by not being in the ring. The right battle with the wrong tools, and trying to win by default.